


Gifts

by potentiality_26



Category: Identity (TV)
Genre: Birthday Presents, Gen, Light Angst, Team Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 03:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potentiality_26/pseuds/potentiality_26
Summary: Figuring out John’s issues was a little like one that thought experiment: which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Was he so hard to get close to because he’d spent so long with no one to rely on but himself- or had he spent so long with no one to rely on but himself because he was so hard to get close to?  Martha didn’t think it was John’s fault that the job had fucked him up so badly, far from it, but... there had to be a reason no else had ever been undercover as long as he had.  There had to be something about him that made him think he could live so long without a life.  There had to be something about him that made his bosses agree.So maybe they were all just screaming into the void.  Maybe it would all come to nothing.  Maybe whenever John gave an inch she just kept mistaking it for a mile.  Or maybe he was doing the best he could- and maybe it was always worth trying again.It's John's birthday.





	Gifts

**Author's Note:**

> Not Brit-picked.

“Are we really doing this?” Anthony asked them all, not for the first time. 

Jose shrugged.  “Why not?”

“It just seems…”

Anthony didn’t finish, which was just as well because Martha was listening too and she wasn’t really interested in how this seemed to him.  She said, “I thought you and Bloom were trying to play nice these days.”

“We are,” Anthony said.  Any kind of _we_ that involved John Bloom would always drop a little acidly off his tongue, but Martha could see that the two of them _were_ trying.  John was trying to open up more and swan off on his own less.  And Anthony was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt whenever he actually earned it, which was most of the time nowadays.  “Honestly.  I’m trying to think about this from his perspective.  You know how... private he can be.”

Martha could tell that Anthony had been thinking about saying something other than private. Closed off, _maybe_.  Distant, maybe.  Something much worse than either, maybe.  And Martha did absolutely know.  And whenever she convinced herself that it was time to start letting go, time to stop hoping he could really be a friend to her and a part of the team, he _did_ make an effort, and now... now it was a little hard to know where she stood with him.  Where any of them stood with him.  

Figuring out John’s issues was a little like one that thought experiment: which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Was he so hard to get close to because he’d spent so long with no one to rely on but himself- or had he spent so long with no one to rely on but himself because he was so hard to get close to?  Martha didn’t think it was John’s fault that the job had fucked him up so badly, far from it, but… there had to be a reason no else had ever been undercover as long as he had.  There had to be something about him that made him think he could live so long without a _life_.  There had to be something about him that made his bosses agree.

So maybe they were all just screaming into the void.  Maybe it would all come to nothing.  Maybe whenever John gave an inch she just kept mistaking it for a mile.  Or maybe he was doing the best that he could- and maybe it was always worth trying again.

She was going to keep trying either way.  So she said, “Yes.  And we’re doing this, so if you don’t want to be involved-”

“I didn’t say that,” Anthony said.

“Good,” Tessa told them from her work station.  “Because I estimate we’ve got less than five minutes before he walks in here.”

“Tessa, please tell me that you aren’t using the building’s cameras for this purpose.”

Tessa froze briefly, then, “I cannot tell a lie.”

Martha rolled her eyes, fighting a smile.  She really did love all of them, even when they drove her mad.  “All right, then,” she said.  “Let’s get to it.  Everyone get into position, all right?” 

There were noises of agreement from everyone.  Getting into position wasn’t difficult, because ‘position’ in this case was just everyone’s normal work stations.  Which was maybe a little too normal, actually, since they were usually milling about or talking to each other.  Sure enough, by the time Martha had bent over some paperwork and John had walked through the door, it was obvious from the way his footsteps hiccuped that he could sense something strange going on. 

She glanced up, sidelong, enough to see how he nodded to Anthony, saying, “Morning.”  She had suspected he would talk to Anthony first as soon he sensed something was off.  She should have laid money on it with Tessa.

"Morning,” Anthony replied, crossing to the briefing table.  “And happy birthday,” he added in the same tone, pushing the parcel that had been stowed underneath it toward John across his desk.  It was a gift from the whole team and not Anthony specifically- more a case, Martha felt, of the thought being what counted. 

Tessa cheered. 

“Really, Anthony?” Jose said.  “That wasn’t how we practiced it at all.”  They had decided whoever John talked to first would be the one to do the honors, and they had all known that there wouldn’t be a lot of enthusiasm from Anthony’s quarter if it happened to be him- so it was... well.  It was what it was.  Martha had decided not to do anything more dramatic.  She hadn't wanted him to be overwhelmed, and anyway... a man who spent fifteen years knowing today could be the day the people around him realized he wasn’t who he claimed to be and killed him for it would never particularly enjoy having people jump out at him from behind things in a dark room. 

John appeared rooted to the spot for a moment, then he cleared his throat.  “Thanks,” he said.  He reached out, fingertips brushing over the paper as he picked up the parcel, and glanced around.  “All of you.”

Anthony nodded and drifted away, maybe intending to give John a moment to himself.  Or maybe- Martha thought as Jose and Tessa immediately followed suit- to give _them_ some time alone.  That wasn’t something they had practiced either- at least not in front of her- but it was like them, all the same.

Within moments Anthony, Jose, and Tessa were all across the office, chatting quietly over some case notes, and John was still standing there with the package in his hands. 

Martha stepped closer to him.  “You didn’t mention your birthday last year,” she said.  Back then the department was just starting out and John’s file wasn’t so easily accessed.  Tessa had unearthed the date since then, though, and Martha had wondered.  It was possible that John just didn’t really do birthdays for whatever reason- but things were almost always more complicated than that with him, and she was willing to bet this was no different.

Sure enough, he shrugged and smiled the way he always did when he wanted to make light of something that he couldn’t dismiss outright without lying to her. 

Normally when he got like that she let it go.  But today...  “Was that because you didn’t think it mattered, or because you forgot?”

He blinked at her, smile fading.

“Because Tessa noticed in your Brendan Shea information that he had a different birthday than you.”

John stayed silent for another moment, and she let him.  Finally he said, “Yeah.  I guess maybe I did forget.”  He let out a breath, picking at the neat wrapping on the parcel in his hands.  “Fifteen years is a long time.”

That was the most Martha thought she had ever heard him say on the subject, at least when he wasn’t talking to a suspect, wasn't trying to get them to open up about themselves by telling them things that were far too true about him, and it was so simple, so obvious, and yet...

And yet Martha felt almost like _she’d_ been given the gift just then. 

“Thank you,” he said again.  He nodded to her once more and then- it seemed- to himself and made his way to his desk.

Martha tried not to watch him too closely.  John never looked like he got self-conscious, but she was sure he did.  Still, she couldn’t help glancing his way a few times as he opened the present.  It was a tie- Anthony's idea actually, and a good one.  He could use something so aggressively normal in his life, and judging by the look on his face- wide-eyed and happier, perhaps, than it warranted, she knew it was the right choice. 

And then he caught her gaze and he smiled- not the fake one that was him trying to deescalate a situation he couldn’t see a way out of, but something more genuine, more like he was sharing a little joke with her.  A joke about how he hadn’t gotten something as simple as a tie for his birthday in fifteen years.  

She smiled back.  And though it was bittersweet she couldn't seem to stop for the rest of the day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on [tumblr](http://potentiality-26.tumblr.com).


End file.
